Music: Bedroom Talk - The Starting Line
I've been having so many headaches lately. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep or a brain tumor. Let's pray it's not the latter. How morbid can I get right?!
Anyway, I was forced to be up early today despite only having class at 11. I needed help with Math. Psh, big surprise there. Well yeah, I did need tons of help and I suppose to turn to the professionals also known as Whit Ni.
She's like a Math goddess. She actually gets excited for Calculus and while doing our algebra, she said, "Isn't this just exciting?!"
I stared blankly back at her.
This is where one man's meat is another man's poison. I mean it literally. Math is like poison. Venomous. Evil. Treacherous. Ultimately deadly. Boy am I dramatic. But really, it brings me down. Like last night, I was attempting the questions and realized I couldn't get any of one them! Like, I didn't even know where to start because they were word problems and you're supposed to just pluck the information out of thin air and solve. They were tough! And I broke down. And then I vented into blogger and almost posted it but my line got cut off.
Thankfully too. Because reading it back now makes me feel really embarrassed. I get emotional over the littles things. Here's an excerpt of what I wrote:
...but I'm not. I have to live with myself. Live with my own incompetency. The very core of my being which I am trying to deny. I refuse to resign to the fact that I am not good enough. That I will never be good enough.
Honestly, I am not striving for perfection. For perfection, might be too much of a demand for someone as mediocre I am. But just a slice of excellence is all I would settle for. Don't give me elaborate titles and praises. I think I can live without them. I have been.
Talk about insecurities huh?
Well, Whit Ni was a definite life saver. She tutored me and Michelle almost the entire morning until class started. So obviously, Math later was a breeze. But we started on new sub chapters that just made me wish the Greeks never existed.
I had a 4 hour break so I decided to go home. I had to brave through crazy Subang traffic at 3.40 just to get back to college. It's a mad town, that place. Cars are squeezed up everywhere. I was panicking because obviously, I was late. I jammed the elevator buttons multiple times out of my impatience and I ran down the hall to the class only to find everybody still outside. They said my lecturer wasn't there yet.
After lingering around for 15 minutes, we all gave up and decided to leave. Imagine the state of my emotions at the time. I went home, came all the way back only to go back home once again. Angry and so annoyed. Stupid class!
The only thing that made me smile today was when someone complimented what I was wearing. Made my day really.
My Fridays are now occupied because English teacher decided to split us. Greaaaaat.
