Music: -
I hate the 18th of July.
I hate thinking of tetris.
I hate thinking of pool, of Japanese comic strip and of currypuffs.
I hate being able to identify your brother's number.
I hate webcams.
I hate Malacca.
I hate pineapple tarts.
I hate Tegan & Sara.
I hate that purple shirt.
I hate the cinema.
I hate comforters.
I hate heartbeats.
I hate traces on my palm.
I hate the rain and thunder.
I hate the sun.
I hate the open space between 2 trees outside my house.
I hate visiting Bukit Tinggi.
I hate the stairs.
I hate CRV's.
I hate Vodka.
I hate Elmo.
I hate the sound of the line going dead when you end a call.
I hate the sigh you give when you answer mine.
I hate the frustration in your tone when I'm trying so hard to find my way around.
I hate the words "You win".
I hate the shady promises and words you give because knowing me, I'll live on that precarious hope.
I hate the way you say things so loosely, as if words were cheap.
I hate voice mail.
I hate your ego, which leads to your refusal in saying what you really feel.
I hate your fear for disapproval from the people around you and your need for conformity.
I hate waking up every hour, just to see if you came looking for me.
I hate waking up in the morning knowing you didn't.
I hate going through the day with you being on the back of my mind.
I hate going through days, not hearing a word from you.
I hate passing by your car.
I hate listening to the songs you sent me.
I hate that I have your number committed to memory.
I hate knowing all that you've gathered at the end of the day is nothing but mere guilt.
I hate knowing you can just throw it all away, like you did so many times before.
I hate your attempts in being casual.
I hate lying to you, but I do it, for fear of risking this.
I hate you for not chancing me.
I hate reliving the moments in my head.
I hate knowing that all I have left are those moments.
I hate the feeling of losing.
I hate trying to feel unaffected.
I hate feeling affected.
I hate that after so long, I'm still able to write all this out.
I hate this part. The part where the glimmer of hope extinguishes and you're left to swallow the coarse debris from the mess you were in. The part where no matter what you say or do, the decision's absolute, whole and final. I hate this part. I hate this part.
