Music: The Wind Blows - The All American Rejects
Today felt like one of the worst days ever since I've been back.
I woke up from a disturbing night of attempted sleep. I had a late night, and that did not help with the bothering images that swirled through my mind while I tried getting some rest. They scared me, leaving me feeling restless and utterly uncomfortable for the rest of the day.
College was one frantic game altogether. I ran in between classes, trying to get errands done and when I was in class, I squeezed my brain hard trying to absorb everything the lecturer was trying to communicate to us. It wasn't easy and honestly, it did hurt quite a bit, straining your mind like that.
Today also I officially assume responsibility over the ADP magazine, that no one ever seems to bother to read at all. The reason behind that truely confuses me. If you were to ask me, I would say that we have some awesome writers in our midst and listening to them express about current issues with their words can be rather inspiring, if not highly entertaining. And come on, what happened to reading being a form of leisurely activity as opposed to DotA or the stupid farming games on Facebook. It's no wonder our generation lives in so much ignorance and complacency.
Work was horrible during the first 4 hours because of the terrible headache I had. The amount of "studying" we had to do didn't help either. Luckily things began to pick up speed and the store got busy towards the end. I had to clean the back again and I swear, it's one of the messiest, most time consuming and disgusting tasks ever. Not to mention completely tiring! It kills me everytime.
I have been walking around with this suspicious feeling of emptiness lately. It's not entirely new to me because I know what it eventually leads to. Mistakes. Of which I will proceed to blame the entire world but me. I know I am independant and totally self-sufficient, but is it wrong to be dependant sometimes? Is it wrong to just admit once in a while that growing up is difficult and that it would be easier if I had someone I could just be honest with, without any judgments.
You say it's not just about it. But I feel that everything we do ultimately leads to it. And once you've gotten it, once you're tired of it, where do we stand then? No, it's not real this thing I tie myself in. But I get soaked up in it because I hope. I hope that I'm good for more than just what you temporarily want.
I hope that someday maybe, I'll be worth more than that.
