Music: -
I cried over the stupidest thing.
I cried over what could be nothing to the normal eye. But to me, I cried because I felt like my world was crumbling and all the effort I've put into headed nowhere but a dead end.
I HATE YOU, PMS WEEK.
I'm so sick of looking at figures, sick of looking at tuition fees, and books and loans. Sick of writing my middle name over and over again when it's not even my middle name! It's my CHINESE NAME, you ignorant dumb f*cks. Not everyone in the world has a middle name, okay?
I'm sick of memorizing my Social Security Number, sick of putting in my mailing address repeatedly. Sick of trying to answer why you guys should take me in. Sick of convincing you that my presence in your university would do nothing but simply grace your hallways with more smiles. I'm sick of lying through fancy words in perfectly structured sentences.
You wanna know why you should take me in? Because I actually DO want an education. I want to sit through lectures and live on cups of coffee during finals week. I want to read borrowed books from the library and flip their pages while laying out under the Spring sun. I want to challenge professors, I want to argue, I want to debate, I want shut that annoying girl up who talks as if she memorized the entire philosophy book and tell her, it's not about the answers, it's about the questions, bitch!
Yes, I do want an education. Not for the sake of a secure job, not for the sake of being a millionaire by the time I'm thirty. Just for the sake of knowledge. And for the sake of wanting to know; to learn. Something, admittedly, I have been deprived of living with my education system.
But I can't have that, can I? Not unless I were to have a trust fund or some form of inherited family wealth. Even with strings of A's and binders thick with curricular activity certificates, I can't be guaranteed the type of education I want.
Because while the professors teach and preach about how you're not supposed to chase after the world and how you're supposed instead expand your mind on greater things, they are still under a business. And business means profit. And profit means, $50,000 a year in expenses just for an education. What they teach are ideals. What we live in is the reality.
And all of that, stings.
ps: what a great rant. sorry if it was so random. just one of those stressful nights, you know.
