Music: -
If only some would understand the tip of it. Just a fragment, and not the entire piece.
If only they'd ask me how instead of why. If only they'd take a walk a day in my shoes and live with the pictures inside my head.
If only this wasn't a game. Then no gambles had to be made and no bets placed. Nothing at risk and nothing to lose. If only this was as pure as they all pictured it to be.
If only they found out the person I'd become. The disappointments I've brought unto them. The years spent trying to mould me into something. If only they knew that I'd turn out to be despicable. Dirty, cheap and worthless.
If you knew the carvings you left. The raw jagged edges that I have to conceal. The way I wear myself out to keep me from thinking. How I delude my mind with fallacies, hoping to trick it into believing something other than what was before. If only you knew how afraid I am of falling asleep. If only you knew the chords I still cannot listen to, and rhythms that strike way too deep inside.
If only you knew the sacrifices I'd make to get one signature of approval from you. If only any of my effort or actions mattered.
If only I was better. If only I was normal. If only I was what everyone wanted me to be, expected me of. If only I was worth that much more.
If only you knew how hard I try. If only you knew the things I hate to do but force myself to do it in hopes of becoming better. If only you knew how badly I want just to be accepted. If only you knew that small words sometimes bear the biggest meanings for me.
If only you'd understand.
