It's fucking annoying when I come back to my room that is littered with your leftover pieces. I touch this and it strikes a chord deep inside. I open my browser and I see the page you were viewing earlier in the day.
It does get fucking annoying after a while especially with how you respond to every single thing. You don't respond, you run. You lie to get your way out and you hide under those very same lies. Coward. I can't seem to say it enough. Coward.
You're a lost cause. I'm done fighting for you, done fighting with you. You're on your own. I offered so many things and I laid out numerous options, asking only in return for something so simple: support; care. Could you step up to it? No. Because you're selfish and you're scared.
Man up. Seriously. I'm sick of your antics. Sick of your fickle-mindedness. So fed up to a point where I can't even taste the rough bitterness that courses down my throat after every hurtful conversation with you.
I have a limit and though I put up with you every.single.time, things won't be the same for long. Realize that. I'm not going to be at the back of your call whenever you need me. I had a life before you, and I do have a life after you.
I can't be there if you're not there. I can't help you if you don't open up to me. I can't listen if you don't tell me. And I can't care, if you won't let me. Just...let go.
If I were you, I'd start thinking of what you're gonna do when I'm gone. Think of how much I was worth and tell me if you've treated me right. Realize that, maybe, you just missed out on the one good thing that ever existed in your life.
I know the answers to the above. It's about time you do. Disappointment has a name and ironically, it's synonymous to you.
---
My face tonight, staring at the computer screen. Crazy tiring day.
Officially flunked my Philosophy test and found out that I will be getting back horrible results for my International Relations test that I had before this. Nothing went in my mind during Microeconomics. For once, I really don't care.
I'm kinda done with school at the moment. I mean, I know I'll have to get back on track sooner or later but let me have my summer first. With less than 3 weeks to the end of my semester, my mind is set on parties, parties, parties and one long plane ride over to the other side of the world :)
I guess the one good thing today was stepping back into the coffee scented haven and be back bouncing behind the bar, steaming hot milk and pulling shots for grumpy customers. The only motivation behind keeping this job would be the simple love of it.
I've missed working! :)
My schedule is utterly filled to the brim for the next two weeks. Tests back to back. Assignments at every corner. I even had to mark down at the side of my planner a simple reminder: Remember to breathe! I can see myself suffocating and probably, doing a lot of venting down here :)
But you'll bare with me. You have to anyway.
Work again tomorrow at the juice bar before preparing for a controversial debate on Wednesday.
Does God exist? Give me intellectual answers if you have any. I don't think I'll even bother arguing with someone immaturely about this.
Have a good first week of April. Counting down already.
---
I am...
incredibly attracted to boys that sit around in Starbucks with headphones on, seemingly lost in pages of a book rested between their hands while they sip on Venti sized latte's and light up Malboro's from time to time. Most of the time, they should also be wearing a pair of chucks and carrying some worn out backpack, and they also don't own a car but rather, traverse from places relying on shitty public transportation.
From a meme I got from quaintly.net. My neglected Monday obligation would be researching my debate, due in another day or so and failing to read up on tons of notes for it. Shame.
ps: your songs are stupid.
pps: sorry for the little bit of profanity used earlier!