Music: Heartbreak For Six Seasons - Daphne Loves Derby
This just came in fashion.
Sitting on the couch, wearing over sized shirts with no underwear and having ice-cream for lunch. The sky is eerily beautiful and bright. Too bright. I just want to draw the blinds and drown myself in songs that have monotonous vocals with acoustic guitars and struggled violin pulls in the background.
I am not on top of the world today.
My bed is unmade and my things are littered all across the floor. If I were alone, it'd be fine. But right now, it is inappropriate to be messy and to be unhealthy. God, all I want is a cup of tea, a good book and a cigarette. But it is inappropriate.
It is a very scary thing growing up. Some people say it just comes and you ease into it, as you have done so with everything else in your life. Well honestly, there is no "easing" into adulthood for me. I remember wanting to grow up so much because of all the wonderful freedom and liberty attached to it.
And what about the weights?
I'm afraid to grow up. You're not carefree. You're responsible. Survival never sounded so scary. I think everyone fights every day. We fight until we get so tired of fighting. The creases on your skin and the bruises on your heart show the hurt left from the fight we go through.
I don't know how to fight. It's chaos out there and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this blunt sword in my hand. I am so helpless.
And I am so alone.
