Just for tonight, I beg of you; don't touch me.
Usually, these emotions are driven by melancholic songs, paired with petty troubles of my otherwise mediocre days, such as worrying over papers due, my bank account and which pair of jeans should I wear tomorrow.
Tonight, the worry that's running through my head would be insecurity I suppose.
I know, it's cliche and I'm positive that almost everyone deals with it at some point in their lives (except for a select few that I know of) but insecurity for me hits so close to home. I can admit to you that almost every action and things I say today stems out of my own insecurity.
I'm perpetually afraid of everything that's happening around me. I'm insecure about my grades, I'm not as smart as some of the kids in my class who raise their hands every 15 minutes, spewing out mind-boggling questions to the professors and thus in return, obviously getting their acknowledgment and presence known in a classroom of 200. I'm insecure about my appearance, I don't have that 24cm waist or that 5' 7 height or those deep hazel eyes with a touch of gold star burst right around my pupils. Not me on the cover of the next issue of Vogue.
My greatest insecurity is growing up. Losing my youth and then what? What happens when you can't be reckless with your life anymore? When you just cannot cannot afford to make any form of mistakes because the consequences are too damn high. How do you cope with all the scrutiny from the people you're responsible of? How do you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders without falling apart?
It may seem cowardly and oh so naive to say I don't wanna grow up. I still want to hang on to this make belief Neverland and live in my own bubble.
Don't judge; it's the only safest thing I know amidst all the chaos that's taking place around me.