I don't think I have been very good updating you guys with the current state of my life.
To sum it up, if you were to cut me open, I would bleed coffee.
School has been steadily picking up. I have been over ambitious as usual, and my strive to always cope and never to disappoint is still holding strong. Result? I am working myself to the bones in hopes of gaining some form of sick torturous satisfaction out of it.
Recently, I have decided to pledge a sorority and be apart of this huge college experience. This new endeavor has led me to so many wonderful new people and a small sense of belonging that I've never quite felt ever since I got here. Obviously, there's the usual stigma that comes with sororities and so I've been given weird looks and rude comments about it but I honestly couldn't care that much.
Other than that, I've just signed up to be writing for the school's online newspaper and it's so much working but so much fun. It's the one thing I almost feel confident in doing.
On top of that, I've decided to work 15-16 hours a week on top of classes, which weighs at 16 credit hours this semester. You are right. I am sadistic to certain extents.
And that is why ladies and gentlemen, I bleed coffee and know no sleep.
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Sometimes the chemistry between us can be sliced straight down the middle with a knife.
I know you care. I do too. But we're just going through two extremes, haven't we? I know it's hard for you, just as it is hard for me. I'm trying to find some sort of middle ground where the both of us can be happy with the outcome. I don't want to be the loser anymore.
If you must know the truth and escape the false pretenses I have been putting up, here it is: I hate going through days without you. I hate holding back and having to put up guards and having to act with so much nonchalance. I still want you in my life. I always have.
So no, it's not fucking cool being just friends.