We get up early just to start cranking the generator
♥
Some thoughts, on a silent Saturday night.
#1. I've been missing you all day. My nonchalance does not play as perfectly as I'd liked it to, so I caved to writing about you once again and wished you were here. I realize how much I've grown dependent on you and that scares me more than you think it does.
#2. I've always hated being alone.
#3. Sun and sand now, please?
#4. I've been more homesick than usual lately. Wanting to be in warm ambiance of my mom's voice and in the humor of my dad. Wanting the comfort of being a child again instead of an unsure adult. But there's always a big fear in going home to the ordinary. My life has been a mixture of different hauntings from home and I don't know if I'm prepared to face my demons once again. It's been easier running away and starting from scratch here but it isn't everything. You gain some and then you lose some.
#5. I wonder if the way I feel for you right now is truly genuine. How do you know when you love someone? Do the words feel easy, rolling off the tip of your tongue? Or do they feel hard? Constricted? Hesitated. I read some of the things I've published before this and the feelings I've had for others which, looking back at them now, I cannot fathom even having those. So you now. Are you just another one of those boys?
#6. I never told you how much I loved you. That amount of care and hope manifested in different ways along the way, some not as pleasant but the heart of the matter was that I really did love you.
#7. I wish I had a person. Just one, who'd be here in a heartbeat. No labels, no titles, no status, no social pressure. Just one person whom I know has my back just as I'd have theirs.
#8. I don't know what I'm doing with my life.
#9. We fit like puzzle pieces when we're lying together. This is a secret but sometimes, I'd try to match my breathing with yours so we would be in sync with each other. I like when you brag about the things you've studied and learned. Politics, sports, bones and history. Your plans for your future. You're already a success.
#10. I could quite possibly be a failure.