Music: Random dubstep that's obviously such a fad right now.
It's weird that I find my outflow of thoughts the best when I get somewhat somber, or disheartened. The reason for my feelings being that way can't always be pinpointed at one specific issue. Like how I hate what's happening back home and I just wished our leaders could see what we all see and what the world sees and how they could learn from that, if not a lot, then just a tiny bit.
Never before has democracy been so blatantly shoved in our faces and our lives in the past 8 months that even the ignorants are forced to at least Google the definition of the word. We've all witnessed Egypt and Libya and they are fighting for the exact same thing: democracy. How can our leaders be so blind to that when that's the dominating issue in world affairs today?
I do not know what you would say in your defense to the people or excuses that you would make up to the rest of the world to suppress the cries and voices that have been brought forth. I just wish you weren't so ignorant and for once, just listen.
There is nothing wrong in trying to make things right. There is nothing wrong in trying and I salute my fellow countrymen who have done just that this past weekend. Malaysia Boleh.
Now that I've done my obligatory rant, like everyone else, I can move on to more menial things like the way I feel and whether I'll be slitting wrists open today or drown myself in a bottle of wine whilst writing my French paper.
Coming back has been a mixture of emotions for me. One on hand, it feels liberating to be back on my own and getting my life back on track. Well, at least one part of my life. But on the other, I've been missing some real presence of people and relationships in my life. Imagine going from seeing friends every day to only seeing some here once a week, if I'm lucky.
That's one thing I've always had to grapple with since coming here. It's the fact that I am so far away from anyone that I really have to get used to the fact that sometimes, I am just alone.
It always scares me when I start to take things for granted in my life. The moment I start moving into a sedentary lifestyle, I seem to forget the underlying problems in our relationship and today was kind of a buzz kill almost as much as it is a slap to the face, telling me that we're not perfect, we have problems and that I should stop feeling comfortable with this new found happiness.
The truth is it's not gonna last forever and I feel horrible saying this but I have to ready myself for the end because it's going to come like a thief in the night and if I don't put up some barriers, it's going to kill me, to the core.
Well. I suppose my afternoon is set. I shall have a thing of greens and huge bottle of red wine to get me through the workload. Pray I live and if I do, I shall write to all you wonderful people again about other things in my life, oh like, let's say the weather perhaps.
I love you and I love writing to everyone! (alcohol talking)
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I just want to disappear in your hugs and wished the world would go away with it. I don't know how people do it. How did mom and dad sober up and start to realize that it's the survival of the fittest right now.
It weighs me down all the time and no matter how much I run or hide or cry or drink, it catches up with me, every single darn time.
Fuck me. I don't wanna do this stupid thing anymore.
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I just want to be where you are tonight.
Be my escape.
