LO
VE
:)
Upon returning home to some beautiful fall weather, I have also returned home to some impossibly deadlines and workload to accomplish.
As if that is not enough, I have also since decided to run for one of the toughest positions on the exec board of my sorority. Seeing as how my Big is currently VP Recruitment, I have decided why not? It'd be nice to continue the legacy since her Big before that also held the same position.
Writing has been continuously getting harder and more stressful for me. I mean, I am still helplessly in love with what I do but I have got to stop procrastinating or else suffer the terrible consequences as I somewhat had in the past week.
After surviving the lifestyle of a post-breakup, I have realized that people are sick of hearing me complain and bitch and moan about the ex and I realize that I am getting tired of it too.
At first, they were sympathetic and somewhat comforting but right now, they're just gonna be straight up brutally honest with me and for good reasons, I'm actually appreciating that because it's always nice to get a slap in the face.
Take my roommate, R. We were having our regular Thursday nights excursions and she's at a good level at this point. I decide to once again be miserable over the break up and she hands it straight to me without any mercy, telling me that I should stop acting on it.
The truth is I fell in love with a person that had no character, no morals and has no judgment whatsoever on how to treat another person right. I'm not blaming him for this because I suppose some people are just born assholes and I'm not saying that as a bad thing.
It's exactly the same as how some people are just tall, some people are just assholes. Maybe it's a genetic thing.
Poor excuse but really, at this point, I am exhausted at trying to convince him and everyone around me of how I was such a victim in this relationship and how I want him to realize that I loved him so much he shouldn't have let me go.
No. The truth is he knows and everyone else knows how much I've been hurt not just after it was over, but during and even prior to the relationship.
We had immense chemistry up until now but if I don't make him swell with pride and if I don't make him want to show me off to all his friends and if I don't make the cut for what he wants in a girl, then I don't.
My ex will find someone else whom he can dangle around for his friends and I will find someone else who will love me as I am.
I will find someone who will love me when I am in heels on a Friday night. When I am waking up next to him on a Sunday morning. When I am in deep concentration with my glasses on, typing out one of my articles. When I silly and when I am serious.
It sounds naive but I am holding on to it until I have it.
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I am forced to watch the demise of a love that was so real to me once again and am forced to wonder how many more of these do I have to live through before I run headlong into one that will not change.
I am sad, not at the fact that he walked away, but at the fact that he didn't think I was worth fighting for anymore. That I wasn't worth the effort.
It always sucks when somebody gives up on you.