The world is a scary place. Reality is an even scarier scene. I've realized and felt it first hand. It's daunting, it's stressful and it's everything you wish you could get out of.
I'm finally back from my 6 day trip to Cambodia. It was one the toughest mission trips I've ever attended. Mainly just because their country is so undeveloped and lacking in so many aspects. I've gotten accustomed to civilization and many other modern amenities that when I'm suddenly thrown into a country as such, I start to realize how much I take things for granted. Basic things like clean water that would never be an issue here in our country is a problem over there.
Kids are lacking nutrition and education. They're forced into labour, to beg and to work. Throughout the week I've seen 18 year olds that appear physically like a 10 year old and 10 year olds that have the maturity of an 18 year old. It's all so crazy and almost unbelievable. These kids are forced to grow up so fast. They're made to experience some hardships that most adults today will never experience.
What's worse is that's the way they live and no matter how hard we try, it'll be hard to create a paradigm shift among those people. They have become so rooted in this sort of activity that it's almost impossible to get rid of it. But the most we could do is give this kids to actually be kids. We spent so much time with them this week just playing and hanging out. Despite the obvious language barrier and their inability to converse back in English, I believe we still managed to form a substantial bond. They loved our company and they craved the attention we were giving to them. I believe deep down, all they want to do is to just be a child. To play and to laugh; to savour their youth.
And that was our mission this week. We weren't there to rock their world by getting rid of poverty or by abolishing the system. That would just get us in alot of hot water. But more than that, we were there for the kids. For once in their life, they're able to let go of all the phrases and gimmicks they've learned to attract tourists and just be themselves. Act silly, run around and fully embrace themselves as children.
At the end of it, I think they've impacted me more than I have them. Albeit the struggles and uncomfortable weather we had to go through, this camp was a blessing beyond all other blessings. I thank and praise God for this chance and opportunity I was able to have.
Moving on. (whoa this is getting long!)
Judgment day was on Wednesday. Although I was not in the country at that present time, (I was actually in Angkor Wat that day), I know many tears were shed. Both tears of joy and of disappointment. Honestly, I am in no position to judge and to critic others. Am I one of the geniuses which manage to score the all wonderful straights? No. I was never that kind of person. I fully understand and know my limits and incapabilities.
Was I crushed when I got my verdict? But of course. There's always this slight glimmer, a tingle of hope that courses through you moments before you hear the news. No matter how hard you tell yourself you're not gonna get it, it's that little voice of hope that tells you otherwise.
That little voice of hope made me beat myself up for getting such average grades. It was sheer disappointment. I banked on more than what I got. Having this now makes me feel even more inadequate than I already am. But what's a girl to do? I'll have to settle for inadequacy. I'll have to live with being average.
At the end of the day, you're special and unique; just like everyone else.
