Today I am swamped with work. Work of all sorts. Work that has to be put down on paper, work that has to be delivered to what my eyes perceive as more than 100 people and also work that has to be put into this thing I carry around in my head. If I'm not mistaken, it's called my brain.
Needless to say, time has suddenly turned into my worst enemy. I'm working against the clock. Every hour that passes by is just a painful reminder of how close am I to that deadline.
The fact that I plan to excel in every one of my classes just makes the entire scenario that much harder. No, I cannot afford to hand in an average essay. No, I can't deliver an ordinary speech. I just can't. I won't be able to deal with myself afterwards. What has become of me?
I sat for a sudden computer test during lab this afternoon. Before exiting the class, my lecturer held me back and asked me how did I fair. I flatly uttered out a 92. He praised me and said well done, I was the highest so far. Contrary to what normal human beings would feel, I was disappointed. I made 2 stupid mistakes! Mistakes that wouldn't have been there if I had looked for it harder.
I'm not expecting someone to pat me on the back and drill into my head that a 92 is good. I know it is, I do. I just thought I could do better. I just want a perfect score, for once. Perfect for everything. Not just missing the bull's eye by a mere inch but placing the arrow right in the center. Perfect.
I know it's scary this new being I've turned into. Suddenly expecting so much doesn't seem like such a dreadful thing anymore. I used to mock the kids back at school for crying over a shortage of one mark or two. I bite back my tongue now because I feel and know exactly what they're going through.
But if that's what I have to go through to, I'm more than willing.
Aim for the moon, and even if you miss it,
you'll land among the stars
you'll land among the stars