Music: -
I don't know what to wear tomorrow :(
I guess that's the least of my problems at this moment in time. I'm weighed down by so many other responsibilities. I think it's about time I hit the panic button and start to take everything seriously.
I have about 3 tests to study for within the very short span of one week. It doesn't help that I'm expecting a friend over for the whole of next week and I'm responsible for taking him around because I've already given him my word! No, I don't intend on breaking it.
As if I thought things couldn't get any worse, my driving school called up and told me that my test had to be rescheduled. So I'm not taking it this week or next week but instead I'm doing it the week after next. Here's the best part. Coincidentally, the day I'm taking it falls exactly on my birthday! How exciting. Taking my test on my 18th birthday. I sure as hell hope this year's birthday will be a lucky one. But I'll bring in a clover and an extra 200 bucks just incase my luck decides to run out on me.
If you think I haven't ranted enough about my life, you're pretty much wrong. There's not one day that passes by without me being pessimistic about my life. I'm a skeptic. I'm a cynic. I refuse to see the silver lining to anything. So sue me.
Speech class was horrible as usual. I think it's funny how Speech class is supposed to gear and boost your confidence whilst giving speeches. To me, I think it does the exact opposite. I walk out of the class feeling lower than low. I think it's a personal attack to my tiny confidence- or what is left of it. Today, her exact words were, "It was painful to hear you talk because you were so unenthusiastic and dead."
If you think those words were said as a form of constructive criticism, I want to have the same sort of drugs you're taking. Maybe optimism pills of some sort? Because I left the classroom feeling lower than low. It was the toughest blow I had gotten and the most painful thing was to come to terms with the fact that my lecturer was right.
I'm a failure. Period.
I don't even want to imagine how my first formal official graded speech will end up. After next week, I probably won't find anymore reasons to live for I am sure my lecturer is capable of sucking whatever amount of dignity and self-assurance I have left inside of me.
To all the people who have crossed my way in this lifetime, I am sure you will find a greater purpose and meaning in this world. I, on the other hand, have decided to give up solely because of one hellish class I have to endure.
PS: No, I'm not really going to kill myself. It was just an exaggeration of my thoughts and how emotionally dejected I am. Geez you guys.
