Music: Time To Pretend - MGMT
This is it and I've learned it well. Almost too well.
This is where I slam the covers shut on you and start over. Were you worth my time? Here's the ugly truth: No. You were not.
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you. I'm done beating myself up over what could have been or should have been. I've given all I have into this. We both know I cared more than anyone else ever did. And what did you do with that? You took it for granted.
So guess what? I'm done spilling hours of tears over your insignificant existence. I gave you chances. Perhaps even more than what you deserved. I kept my faith in you. I believed in you and trusted you. I crossed my heart for you, over and over again. All you did was overlook them and considered them childish?
Maybe you're right. I was childish to even begin with. Such immaturity should never be forgiven. I learned it the hard way and maybe I deserved this. But whatever it is, I'm already halfway over it.
This keeps me going: knowing that it was never true. Even if it was, it wasn't true enough for you to take that risk or chance. Coward. When things get that little tougher, you back out on me. When I expect a little more, you run. Even if I don't deserve better, I definitely know I don't deserve this.
I take back all my desperate disgusting words. Honestly, I'm struggling to find some form of sympathy for you but much to my dismay, I find only contempt. It's unfortunate how everything resolves in this fashion but to think of it, you brought this upon yourself. I tried loving you and the moment I do, you let go.
Tell me. What do you take me for? I'm done being backup. No, I won't settle for someone you need only when you're bored or in need of attention. I have a heart, I trust you're not dense enough to realize that.
I have no idea what kind of sick twisted pleasure you get out of this. Do you just gloat in someone else's misery so you can feel that much better about yourself? It's pathetic. Get over it. Or at least, find someone else to screw up. I honestly have much better things to worry over than your heartless self.
I'm not angry and I don't do the whole hate thing. I'm not gonna block you or delete you or spam you or whatever else 13 year olds do. Trust me, I'm over that. I'm just gonna be honest with you because I believe we all deserve some truth every once in a while.
Yes, I have been naive but not stupid enough to identify that your so called "reasons" are mere excuses. The least you could do is to just own up to your actions. Don't justify them with sentence full of polished words. Those only work on special occasions. Trust me, I'm the literature student here. It's all or nothing for me. If you want it to work, it will work.
This is who you are: A liar in it's purest form. You tell me a thousand and one adjectives to project how you feel. You promise me the impossible but words will remain as just words- dead without actions. A hypocrite, just like the rest of the world. I hold nothing against you. Human nature is filthy and you made me realize it that much more.
I'm disappointed, at myself partly, but mostly at you. At least I can say I meant every single word I said to you. Can you say the same to me? Honestly, can you? I already hear your silence and by the way, it speaks more than you can imagine.
So I suggest we move on. Dwelling over the past is never any use. Let's not live in memories for they have turned into fiction. It's not real anymore, not at present time. You've had your fun and you've had everything you ever wanted out of me.
Baby, this is the finale. Life is never a fairytale. It's done.
ps: sorry it had to come to you this way. i tried calling, you didn't answer- as always.
pps: wow that was a long vent. i'm really not an angry person :) just felt like getting it all off once and for all.
