I know.
Cram my head with work.
WorkWorkWork. GradesGradesGrades.
If I stuff them in hard enough, then maybe the feeling will go away. It's mind over matter right? I've been through it before. I mean, you can't break something that's already broken in the first place.
It's like gripping a bar of soap. The harder you grasp, the faster it slips away. But you want to hold on to it, you just need to find the right amount of pressure to apply.
I was content once. I wasn't happy but I was content. And that, I could live with. But you have this habit of stirring everything around and expecting me to clean the mess. When does enough really become enough?
Today in Sociology, my lecturer gave us a long list of acts that prove to be a form of deviance in society. We were supposed to tick off items we felt were wrong, based on our own opinion. I came to drugs and it took me quite a while to figure that out. Trinity said no, it wasn't wrong. It's just another place people find happiness.
Isn't that what we're all looking for?
I need to find my niche. Something I can serve with utmost fulfillment. I just wish the road leading to it wasn't so painful.
It rained today, like it has been the days before. I watched school children run and jump under it, clothes matted down onto their bodies as if it were their very own skin. I was in the car but I couldn't hear the radio at all, just the angry raindrops which were falling down, hard. I think perfect moments catch you by surprise because they leave as soon as they come.
Just like people I suppose. Every now and then you get someone who changes you, in some way, but they never stay. They come in wafts, like the scent of a sweet perfume. They linger and eventually they fade. But that scent remains in memory and you smell it, every once in a while but it's not on you anymore--merely a memory.
I feel so self-destructive right now, it's scary. I refuse to submit to my body's plea for rest because I'd rather stay up and allow my mind to be on overdrive.
What would you call someone who waited for a love that can never possibly be returned, due to unaccommodating circumstances? Would you label them foolish, or faithful?
This people, is a product of my scrambled mind probably due to the lack of sleep and food in my system. I won't be getting much of either anytime soon, so be prepared for more incoherence in my posts to come.
It's my brother's 11th birthday today, and the first word I said to him wasn't pleasant. I've been detached from a lot of things lately but I can hardly feel remorseful for it. What am I turning into?
Note:
cup noodles ruins everything.
cup noodles ruins everything.