Music: -
I need new music :(
I have been slacking a lot these couple of days. Feeling as though life has been sucked out of me. I'm not excited over anything at all anymore. Isn't that just depressing?
However, I'm sick of living with such dejection. Tomorrow will be a brand new day and I'll make it productive! Starting with research on my music project and getting back in touch with my creative side, I hope.
Most productive thing I've done today was laundry. We have a brand new washing machine set and I felt really enthusiastic about using it. Weirdd right..
October is here and I have approximately a month and a half left to the semester. I have so many tests to take and deadlines due, especially for uni applications. I have yet to find my perfect university so it's tough. But it'll get sorted I guess, eventually.
I really want to post a picture, but blogger is being a real pain in the ass tonight. So you gotta live with this filler post for now becauseeee...
GREY'S ANATOMY IS CALLING! :)
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Every now and then you meet certain people in your life. And they are extraordinary because they change your lives. They change the way you think, they change the way you act, they change you and touch you from the core.
Though that change, is never always for the better.
I met this person once. He was opinionated but he was insecure. He was nothing special on the outside, neither was he anything on the inside. But there was something in his voice, and the way he reasoned, and the way he put up an argument that was different. It was the way he looked at the world, sometimes with resentment for all their hostility. It was the way no one could agree with him or believe that he had a better side in him.
It was the way he was defensive of himself, because he was convinced that the everybody was out there to get him. It was the way put up false pretenses, because he thought he had the need to prove himself worthy to the world.
He never said much to me, always twisting his words and facts, thinking I'd never know the truth about him. I never did. But along the way, I got to figure out bits and pieces of his life. We never laid out under the stars and exchanged secrets though I've always wanted to know his deepest fears, his biggest dream.
He was easy with words though and loose with them. He could make me smile and cry at the same time. It was unpredictable. There were times when I knew I've had enough but somehow I found myself stuck in this whirlwind of emotions and predicaments, with the escape sign not even in plain sight.
I wonder, how can you look at someone in the eye and say something that you know could break them? How could you instigate so much hurt upon knowledge that I have a shot at feeling better while I was away?
Today I read your confessions and it killed me. I clenched my fists and held back my tears because I was sick of going through the same ordeal. I was sick of asking myself why won't I ever be good enough for you.
Some days I blame myself, for things I don't even know I did. Surely to deserve this I must have done something terribly wrong. I wish I knew what
It is unfair and I could think of a million and one ways for revenge. But for what? Maybe this is absolute, and maybe this is for the better.
Every now and then you meet people who change you from the core. They are there for brief moments. You were so surreal, some days I can't distinct you from my dream and from reality.
And then they are gone, as quickly as they came.
