Currently watching various percussion performances on YouTube for any form of inspiration.
This percussion project is killing me.
I have a million and one ideas for it but they all seem so disjointed. I can't figure out a way to connect the dots to form one big piece. And to think of all the scoring I have to meticulously write down. Oh MY god.
Team members are of no big help right now either. I feel like I'm left alone to do all the work. I need a gush of inspiration. It just bugs me because I know I have it. I can feel just tingling around me but it doesn't come as a complete, perfect, presentable piece.
*frustrated!!! &^#%$$*#@
On a much lighter note, today I splurged and got myself some expensive shoes along with another unnecessary unhealthy accessory? haha. Whatever. I think I deserve the luxury of spending this time, without much guilt because it's my own money anyway.
I've been going through every day with this sickening feeling in myself. Feeling of how tragic my past has been and how it still has a choke hold on me. I feel there's just so much injustice in my life. But I've always been told that life is never fair. I can't hate you, I can't love you.
I'm just amazed at how you pull off living with yourself. It's disappointing to realize that the person you had so much faith in turns their back on you and proves you wrong. a) there really is NO good in you. b) I have exhausted all comments and opinions to a point where just thinking about it wears me out.
But seriously, HOW do you live? Do you not possess any form of conscience or guilt or even compassion?
Despicable. Atrociously inhumane. And fate saw it fitting for me to meet a disaster like this. Cursed, I am.
