I hate sleeping and waking up at odd hours. It messes up my body clock and leaves me in a very trance-like state.
I don't feel like talking, don't feel like eating, don't feel like doing anything except stare at an inanimate object. It is pretty scary, honestly.
I know the source of this restlessness. I know why I'm unhappy today. But I can't admit it. I can't admit it to myself or it'll just prove me to be the helpless little girl that I really am.
How do you grapple with an ending? How do you come to terms with death or loss? I didn't have the chance to put in any last words. Would it have made a difference? Probably not. I will miss you, undeniably. And I will think of you in between the hours of my day, every day.
I am learning to let go and find my footing once again. There was life before you.
I'll make my way back.
forever's come and gone.
december 28, 2009 4:27am.