I was really annoyed earlier in the night but now, my anger has pretty much sizzled down.
I'm mad at how you are able to reduce us into nothing. I have given you so many chances. Too many chances. I have waited so long for you to just seize the moment and dare yourself to chance something; whichever side it may be on.
I just needed you to have a stand and to make up your mind. I needed you to be strong and prove to be the man you are. I don't need a coward by my side. I don't need someone who is unsure after so many reassurance. I was there, as means of support and comfort, but all of it you take for granted.
So no. You don't deserve to come back crying, saying how you've never been given a chance to say what you had to say. Most of the time, you hide and lie and run away from your words. Why? I understand fear. But I also understand bracing them and trusting that someone will be there. I offered that to you. You didn't take any of it.
All you did was doubt me. Turn my words against me. Pushing me further down into this ugly rut that I've had ever since I met you.
Just so you know, I don't want to be the victim anymore. Just...back off.
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I don't know if I screwed up my finals.
I don't know if I didn't.
All I know is that I'm fed up and I really don't want to dwell on Philosophy right now.
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Sitting next to a friend during Econs revision class today, I'd learned another new and valuable point of view. No, not how the AVC curves or how demand increases.
Love isn't blind. We are rational human beings with powerful thinking capabilities. We know what's good for us and what's not. We choose the way we want our lives governed.
I've always seen things on the opposite side. I complain that it's unfair. I complain I'm not being justly treated and that everything sucks. But today was like a slap in the face. Today, while I was in the midst complaining and venting to her about things, she cut me short and pointed out to me that I was the stupid one because I had the choice to be in that position or not be.
She was painfully right. Some of the decisions I'll be making should have been done a long time ago. I am closing this chapter of my life, whether you like or not.
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Visa approved. Air tickets purchased. Next up? 22 hour plane ride into another timezone :)