Everyone tells me not to care, not to bother, not to think, not to love. I know. This game is tricky and risky. I always go in thinking I have God on my side and that I will win this battle, coming out of it without a single cut and in perfect condition.
But how many times have I been wounded? Way too many times than I bargained for.
I know, I know I'm supposed to get along with the hours like nothing happened and even if it did, it doesn't matter. I know I'm just supposed to keep it all inside because people are tired of me making the wrong decisions for myself.
But what's wrong and what's right? What about just feeling happy for that one very moment. Like the world around you gets swallowed by darkness and just for that one single moment, time can freeze.
The truth is, I do care. I'm too human not to care and I'm quite possibly the worst candidate to be participating in this dance of fire. Like walking on coal, I will burn myself and when that day comes, when I end up at the spot I've always only been familiar with, crying, I will be alone because I jump when I'm supposed to stay on ground.
Have you ever had that song that you can never listen to because it just opens the floodgates of painful memories once built. I do. I have that song, those chords that still strike against half-healed wounds. There are all these little things that amount to painful pictures in my head. Like scents and sounds and signs and soft-spoken words.
They're never going to go away.
I've never felt so far away and so close from you at the same time before. I was convinced I had a time limit but that seemed to have gotten extended? I've built them, memories, and they will be like daggers plunging into me every waking moment. Thanks for the memories? Thanks for robbing me of my soul once again. How much do I have to give until I actually get it right?