Music: Stop Crying Your Heart Out - Oasis
Even though I woke up feeling hollow as usual and went about the day with the sinking feeling of emptiness, I'm telling myself I won't fall asleep the same way.
Though everything around me is in an awkward and scary state of chaotic silence, where everyone chats and moves around but only forming white noises for me, there are the finer details that get lost in the midst of their mindless routines and I have realized that I should focus on that instead of them.
So tomorrow, I will note the fiery red trees that line the road to school. And I will note the pretty shaped leaves that fall of the deciduous trees only to cover my path like confetti.
I am 20; not even a quarter way through with this concept called life and though some days I feel as though I've had enough of it, I know that there's a couple more things I wouldn't mind doing or having before I get to erase myself off the face of this planet.
I guess my point today would be to tell you how much I hated feeling crummy for situations that are out of my control. Why give up that portion of your life (something some people treasure so much) for things that don't promise anything in return.
Maybe everything isn't a game nor is it a form a permanence. Maybe it's just imperfections that we all struggle with and to blame would ultimately just be hypocritical. So I'm not faulting but neither am I consenting.
You can pick me up and shatter me as many times as you want. I'm not going to blame you for it but it still doesn't mean I'm not being broken at the same time. Two can play at this game and this time, I'm not going to be the one that burns out first.
ps: yeah, this post wasn't really meant to be understood by anyone except me. sorry for that inconvenience! haha.
