Music: I Remember - Yeasayer
It's been getting better. (It always does, doesn't it?)
I think throughout my life I've just been so accustomed to loss it barely phases me anymore. People come, they change your life in ways you never thought could and then they leave.
It's been 2 weeks since the semester started and as always, I start everything with a big bang! Fell sick this week just like I did last semester. This better not turn into a habit cos I hate being sick. And it's expensive. I'm running on such a dry bank account right now, it's so depressing. Sigh.
I'm thinking this semester, I wanna do bigger things for myself. Like start writing and organizing my life. I just want a lot of "me time" and I feel like it's important. I just wanna do so many things and not get lost in trivial fantasies. I think priorities is what I will set and I'm gonna stop making excuses for myself.
Sometimes I think of the decision I've made before the semester began and I wonder if the tears soaked in my friends shirt were worth it. I regret it from time to time, especially when I lay in the dark trying to fall asleep. I think of words and how I can put them into a sentence to take back everything I've done. But I catch myself and how insecure I am and realize that nothing is going to change. Because if it did, it would already have.
It's just sad how the entire relationship unraveled because now I'm just gonna watch every smile, every walk and every touch turn into dust.
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I wonder how you are. Probably just the same. I wonder if your laughter has changed. Probably not. I wonder if that brightness when you smile that I see in your eyes has dimmed. Probably not either.
I wonder if there is another person in your life now that watches late night television with you. Probably. I wonder if you guys lie together to talk about things that raises your curiosity or anger. Maybe. I wonder if you guys take shots and eat cereal out of the box together. Probably not. (Because that crosses her hygiene line.)
I really wonder how you are though. I just feel so sad all the time that I lost you, in all entirety.
