Music: Castle Walls - T.I feat. Christina Aguilera
Everyone's always looking forward to the weekends. Or the semester breaks. Or the graduations. These little "breaks" we take before we have to return to the chaos that runs our lives.
For me, they feel like mere breathers. Little check marks to check that, hey, I'm still alive. I'm breathing but barely. I'm still here, trying to stay afloat above all the weights that form shackles around my legs. It's hard and I'm tired but I'm not gonna give in. Not yet.
I had such a long, meaningful conversation with my mom earlier tonight and every time I talk to her, I catch myself sounding so much more mature than the last time. Some of the things I said tonight, I never thought I ever would in my entire lifetime. I'm growing so much, it scares me.
Sometimes I feel that my biggest obstacle is my own self. I have all these expectations and plans that I set. Big plans and backup plans. Everything's kinda planned to the tee so that I get from point A to point B with the most efficient, feasible route possible. But I feel like God or life, if you must, will come in at some point and make a mess out of my meticulously crafted schemes. Just to make it harder than it already is, somewhere along the line, everything I've ever worked for will fall apart.
And at that point what do I do? I already know the answer to that and I'll do what I've always done. I cry, bitch and complain for one night and then I get back up. Stand on my cuts, lean on my bruises and swim in my tears but I'm on my feet again, picking up the pieces and hoping once again that someday, I'll get it right and it'll get better.
I guess I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life just yet but I think I have a pretty good idea so far :) The trust me, this is just the tip of the insanity that we call life.
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I feel like the further we try to get away from each other, the closer we get. Like a classic case of you can run, but you can't hide.
There are close to 40,000 kids that go to school here. But it just has to be written in my books that the person I might probably be living with next year would be one of your best friend's. One of your SUPER best friend's.
The odds were about 0.00025 but it was spot on. And I'm supposed to believe it's coincidence, not fate.
Dear God, if you're out there and if you're listening, I'm tired of constantly being prime target for everyone to mess with, including you. I need a moment for some normalcy and I think now's a good time for it.
Just sayin'.
