I feel myself getting pissed off at the tiniest things all the time.
Maybe I'm beginning to have expectations but I'm afraid to confront them. I find it quite ridiculous that all I'm supposed to do is pretend. Pretend that we're just friends, pretend that I don't give a fuck, pretend that you don't matter?
Well, you wanna know something? You do matter. I'm sorry for caring so much. Please, hire a lawyer against me because it seems like every time I start to care for someone, I end up hurting for it. Tell me, world, where is the justice?
Most of the time, I try to be as objective as I can. I try to look at it from your point of view and step in your shoes for a little while. I'm a journalist; it's part of my fucking training. But I can hardly see any form of reason standing there.
It's really sad to equate it this way but unfortunately life is a business. Right now, I'm wondering if I'm making the right investments. The turnout shows me otherwise but at the same time, do you still try and save a sinking ship? They tried for a while with the Titanic. What if I tried harder and be a tad bit more patient? Would it pay off?
I've just put so much effort into this entire relationship in the past 6 months that I'm starting to feel it. I'm feeling the same pressure, the same sinking disappointment and I honestly, don't want to go through that ever again. I don't want the self-consciousness, the constant judging, the changing of my self for you. And the worst part is I constantly feel like I'll never meet that precedent that you've set. My good is never enough, is it?
I want answers but I already know what they are.
