Music: Nicest Thing - Kate Nash
It always amazes me how much I give up just for the slightest bit of recognition.
I don't think I ever learn from my mistakes. I've told myself I'd never want to be back in the exact same place I was but why do I find myself slowly picking up hints of the same thing?
I hate caring about people because I give up so much of myself for it. Who am I? I don't even know.
Some days I wake up and I feel like going right back to bed, not even waking up ever again. Other days, I feel like living forever. So who am I? When you tell me that I'm motivated and smart and beautiful, I'm skeptical. How do you know what I am when I'm not even sure.
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Dear You,
I am very confused. I want us to work out so badly and I'm willing to put effort into our relationship.
Today you're going up to Keystone, wearing that suit you always look so good in but taking pictures with another girl in your arms. I know you say she's just a friend but maybe I want to wear that dress and those heels and be in pictures with you.
I'm scared that the time we have here will be all the time that we have left. Chicago and Malaysia seems like worlds apart. There are so many things I still want to say to you and do with you. Like jumping out of an airplane together, watching a baseball game with you. Do you think we'll ever get to do that together?
You can't hold it against me if I say I don't think so. I don't have to be sorry for being realistic but the truth is, I don't think we have what it takes to last.
I'm thinking we might just end up being casual strangers. The pictures, the memories, the dinners, the laughter, the trips will only be...things, thrown together in a shoebox and will end up meaningless.
Sincerely,
Me.
