If they were to award someone for being one of the best liars in the world, it would be, hands down, me.
*takes a courteous bow
I accept all the credit. I'm such a master at shielding...everything. Okay, maybe not pranks because I'm not a prankster like that but I'm sure if I tried hard enough, I could ;)
In 45 minutes, it would be exactly 24 hours since we last spoke to each other. How obsessive am I getting? Clearly, really fucking obsessive.
I remember when we'd use to go days without speaking to each other. Where every 2 weeks we'd touch base (could be taken literally, ahem) and that would count. Some mindless small chatter twice a month and I'd be perfectly content with the shallowness of our entire relationship.
Does it work the same way now? The fuck I wish it did. I expected so little and was perfectly happy with that little.
So when did that grew into a full-blown absurdity of sort? Somewhere along the frozen yogurt dates and movie nights, something latched on and I have to deal with this now?! Unfair. Pick someone else to torture, please.
I wish it were irreversible. Or something controllable at least. I feel like things spiral so quickly out of hand, I can hardly deal with it. One minute you're a stranger picking at grass after a swim in the Fall and now we're lying on the same grass sharing the same blanket?
And what about that? Absolutely NOTHING. It doesn't matter how close we get or how much we know about each other. I still wake up every day knowing that you might just feel differently about me today.You do everything on a whim and you're absolutely contented with having what we have now.
Predictability and utter fragility. The constant paranoia that swims through my mind. Fine, maybe I am having trust issues but can you blame me? Can you?! That's right. I thought so.
I need to fucking stop digging my own grave every.single.time. You know what, just give me a MAN already and not a damned boy. Fuckin' a.
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In 4 hours, I WILL...
- SHAVE MY LEGS.
- Wear make up to class
- Attend ALL my classes AND pay attention in them
- Finish everything on my to-do list, duh.
- FEEL ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY GREAT ABOUT WEDNESDAYS!
- God, I hate my life some days.