Music: Last Kiss - Taylor Swift
Today was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life.
The acceptance granted into the journalism school meant so much to me. I'm finally able to do what I've always wanted to do; to write. To change the world. A modern day hero. Oh young minds, always so hopeful and filled with optimism for chances to make their mark somewhere.
But my elation was weighed down by careless insensitive human nature. I know no one should make me feel this way about myself and I know it's not right but I can't help it.
Some days I wonder if I just broke down in front of you and told you my entire story, would you then understand how frightful I am of trusting people? I've loved once in my life and that love was so painful that I am doubtful of even trying it again.
I don't know how to put it in simpler words for you. I'm always easy-going and simple, undemanding and understanding because I thought you deserved that. I'm realizing now that it comes at my expense. I lose so much of myself to you and it was all okay because I cared for you and I'd do it all over again.
So as I sit here in a partially darkened room in the middle of the week, where your presence is nowhere to be found and as I helplessly try to avoid staining my homework with my pathetic tears, I pray that only God would even begin to comprehend the way I feel inside. While you're out having a couple or 20 beers with your friends, I'm here constantly refreshing the page, hoping to catch even a glimpse of you.
I'm secretly hoping you'd just put my number in and tell me that you care. And that you were sorry. And that I meant something to you. That the countless of hours spent together over the span of this past 2 semesters did not just amount to a shallow one night stand between to emotionally unattached people.
And then I take a step back from the imagination and peer into reality. It shows me a painfully different picture where all the memories really actually DON'T matter. They are nothing but a series of insignificant events placed together over a course of time. My mind had just built them up into being something they're not. The short stolen glances, the coy remarks and the long paused hugs in hallways. Nothing.
I'll just watch you forget me now, like we never ever happened.
