Music: -
It's always times like these that I get extremely nostalgic.
I don't feel too emotionally well right now. Things are going good though, better than I thought it would, but it's not perfect; nothing's perfect though, right?
I really want to skip all the recycled air in airplanes and sleeping on carpets in airports and just be in the car ride back home. I want to skip the safety demonstrations and the anticipation of getting a cute neighbor on your 12 plane ride (what? don't tell me you don't do that!)
I hate airports. I hate security checks. I hate taking off your shoes. I hate fishing for your passport. I hate the lines that are everywhere. I hate that one baby who WILL cry at the back of the plane. I hate reading lights. I hate the annoying hum the plane makes once we're 40,000 feet in the air and in autopilot. I hate the itchy blankets they give us. I hate having to wiggle your out to go to the bathroom. I hate brushing my teeth in those bathrooms. I hate layovers. I hate McDonalds (there's always one in ANY airport you go to). I clearly hate a lot of things about traveling.
I don't know why I'm so antsy this time about traveling. I mean, you would think that at this point I would be so used to it. But I'm not. And it bugs me. One one hand, I want to go home and on the other, I just want to stay in Boulder and love summer.
Meh.
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Had a full hour skype sesh with him today. Once in the morning and once at night.
He's getting a camera some time this week. Or so he says. So yes, I only speak to a picture of him. Kinda sorta...very lame.
You can't exactly blame me if I have doubts, right up to now at this very moment. I have every reason to. But I'm trying to make things work. I hope we are and that I'm just not in this on my own cos it gets tiring after a while and there's only so much I can do.
I guess I'm dealing with this with as much realism and perhaps even skepticism one can really have. I've had my hopes crushed one too many times to even be naive and "hopeful" about things. I can't decide if that's a good or bad thing. One thing I do know though is that I'm afraid to trust, and living in fear weighs down on you so much.
Maybe it is true that no one can truly give you that 120% assurance. I'll never know if you're going to be there in the morning because you can't promise me that. No one can. Things change, people change and it sucks.
It's late and I'm tired and everything just repeats itself again tomorrow, like it always does.
