Music: -
It is nearly midnight in San Francisco and the weather couldn't be nicer. I'm faced against huge windows that overlook the massive airplanes just sitting in the middle of this airport.
Tonight I am laden with sadness and this deep fear of insecurity.
The waiting hall is filled with anticipating passengers who cannot wait to just get into their seats, only to get out of it a half hour later, convinced they cannot already feel their legs. This 12-hour plane ride cannot be fun, can it?
I always find it somewhat comical how the memories I want to keep the most end up looking fuzzy in my head. I keep different things in my daily life to help me remember them; like a movie stub, a pair of pajama pants, a song or a picture that only remains frozen. Yet I can't seem to keep the details intact in my head. Like the feel of his stubble, the sound of his laugh, the way I fit perfectly when I lie on his chest.
Ouch. My throat hurts from the huge lump that's forming in it. Obviously, I am not about to cry my eyes out in the middle of an international airport.
I've always been so scared of the "what if's" because they have always turned out for the worst. Will I be proven right again this time? It's so easy to make plans for the future and envision it but every time I do, it ends with the exact opposite. I'm afraid to even think of the possibility for us to be happy.
You were wrong. I'm the one who doesn't get to be happy.
