Wide-eyed.
Yuck.
I'm kinda ready to leave and get my life going once again. I feel so sheltered when I'm back home that I start worrying about going back to Boulder and having to live on my own again. I guess I've forgotten how much I've liked having my own life. My own schedule, my own set of keys. My...space.
I really wanted to publish something meaningful but my life has been so mundane lately that I can't even make up something interesting. Sad, huh?
I guess have some short-term goals I'd like to achieve in the next couple of days and I'm really determined to make them come true. Maybe I have kinda lost myself in the past 2 years or so and I wanna see my old self again.
I don't expect anybody to understand this post so I'm gonna leave you with a joke/pickup line? I read a couple of hours ago.
You: Were you dropped at birth?
Me: Yes, into a pool of sexy!
HAHAHAHAHA.
Fine whatever. I know I humor myself most of the time.
___
EDIT:
I think it's about time I apologized for some of the mistakes I've made since being home. If you're reading this, you'll know it's for you and I'm really sorry.
I honestly don't know how much of your words are true and how many of them are false. I fail to recognize your genuine intentions towards me and yes, unfortunately, I've stopped trusting you a long time ago.
I think I've given up a fair deal of my life to you and at that time, I was so consumed by the idea of you that I'd resorted to making some poor choices. However, throughout the entire process, I never let myself forget that I had goals for my own life too and I wasn't going to give them up just for you.
Yes, I had hoped that you would be a part of that; a part of my future but things didn't work out that way.
It's been nice seeing you again. You were the first person I can ever say with confidence that I've ever loved. I'm really sorry if things didn't work out the way you thought it would be and I'm sorry for the poor choices I've made in the past few weeks. Maybe I did hurt you and I know sorry is just a word but that's all I can give to you right now.
I really hope you get the most out of what you want in life. You'll find someone who deserves you and she'll be worth it.