Music: Broken - Lifehouse
I am a different mixtures of scared tonight.
There's a big part of me that wants to believe and to trust and to be happy. But there's this tiny portion of myself that tells me to hold back, to put my guards up and to never give it my 100%.
That part always wins.
You can't blame me for being skeptical. I know I can't always revisit my past because then I'll forever be afraid but what if this just doesn't turn out to be the way we see it in our heads. What if I never get that security. I can try as hard as I want. I guess we can try as hard as we want but if there were to be a day where we'd have to face each other and face the disappointments that come, we can't run away from it.
I just don't want that day to crush me, as it has in the past. I want some kind of authority or control over my own life. At the very least, the knowledge and assurance that I can get up past it and move on from it instead of revisiting that dark depressing hole.
You know, it's really easy to fall in love and have the tiny little moments light up parts of your life. For me, it's even easier to forgive and give out chances like they all deserve it. Most of the time, I'd like to think they do.
I love him. I know I do and I know he does too, to certain extents.
The fact remains though: Will love ever be enough?
