Music: -
Walking around tonight, everything was a blur.
I thought of you, and how you would've held me right instead of the creep in the side of the room who only knew my first name.
I called you, hoping to hear your voice, to hear that familiarity, to hear that reassurance that someone I knew was still there in my life.
But you never answered. And when you did, it was with the coldest tone.
I wonder now, sitting in my bed, in the early hours of the morning, how you ever told me you loved me and how I believed it. I wonder if you've ever known how to love someone. How the patience eats you up and you're always hoping for a change of scene. Hoping for a day where he will look you straight in the eyes, with the strongest conviction in the world, knowing that he will take that leap of faith as you have.
But I suppose, we are all too young for a fantasy like this. For stability in a world where everything revolves around uncertainty. Sometimes, I cling onto a naive hope like this. Even when the world around seems like it's about to break down and crumble, I wish I had that one person in my life that will be by me to say it's okay to be afraid because everyone's afraid.
I wish I could find a person as brave as that.
But until then, every step I've taken and every hope I've made has just resulted in the same disappointing human nature: that everyone's a coward in reality and at the end of the day, the only courage and the only conviction you will find is within yourself.
---
I love you.
The only reason why I still want you in my life is because I'm afraid that if I don't, I will never remember what is was like to love you.
Loving you was like a walk in big meadow. How every touch felt soft and natural. How every breath of air was fresh and rejuvenating. How your eyes lit up so bright it could've burned a hole in my soul.
The feeling was so surreal, at times I was scared to my core.
And now I understand why. It's when you lose that feeling in your life, that brightness that lighted up your world. It's the sudden bleakness you have to live with. It's like everything around you stepped down a gradient in color. Like the sky became dull and the birds don't sing the same melody anymore.
That was what it was like to lose you. My world became a shade of gray. And perhaps, that's what reality is. A mere shade.
But I want to tell you, if you'd ever find a person that colors and lights up your world, love her good and treat her right because the feeling is inexplicable. It's incomprehensible and that's when you know that you've really loved someone.
