It's a hot tea, dim candles and oversized shirts kind of night.
We're having our first snowfall of the season and kids are excited, not excluding yours truly. There's always something magical about snow and the way it falls like confetti from above. I always get a tiny little smile whenever they get trapped in my hair or fall on my eyelashes. It's the one pure thing that makes so many people happy. Almost like it strikes a little childish innocence in us.
Crawling into and out of bed is always hard, especially during cold days like this. Whilst typing this, my toes are still cold from having to get comfortable in my abandoned bed.
If you asked me how I felt about a month ago, I would say that a perfect night would be to have him by my side, maybe a movie playing and drinks to go round. I would be snuggled perfectly on his chest and hearing his heartbeat. Or playing with the hem of his shirt and breathing his skin. Maybe the bed wouldn't be so cold and the room wouldn't be so dim, if he was around.
But right now, it's odd, but I kinda like being alone. It's calm and peaceful and I could use some of the solidarity to recollect my thoughts and be by myself for a while.
I have nothing much to say tonight, no lessons from the day to share or any frustrations to vent about. I would say today has been a relatively blissful day. I got the chance to go to the hairdresser today and did my laundry. Went for my news meeting and finished my paper. I'm feeling pretty accomplished and I feel like I'm sorta getting half of it right.
I do wonder what he's up to and if he's keeping warm because I still love him and evidently, care for him. But it's not the same you know. It's almost better in different ways because this way, I'm not consumed by our relationship. I'm loving him from afar. Distance is a good thing and it'll help maintain both our sanities.
It's the false pretenses I have to keep up with whenever I see him that I don't like dealing with. That sharp stab that knocks the wind right out of me but still having to keep that smile when he has his hands around another girl's waist. I'm taking time adjusting and wishing him well because if you love someone, why wouldn't you want them to be happy, right?
So, on this chilly night, where the town is tucked away under their covers, in front of fireplaces or in another person's arms, I'm wishing him well. Whatever he is doing, wherever he is in the world right now, I'm hoping that he feels the same kind of tranquility that the cold silence gives.
This girl here will be alright.