Music: Collect Call - Metric
It was disgusting some of the things I had to hear about you and your weekend.
I didn't want to believe it and at points, I didn't even want to listen to it but they were shoved in my face. Like a bitter pill of truth I had to swallow.
Is this the person you are now? Is this your type of fun?
Or have I just been blinded by it all in the past because I chose to love the sound and mature side of you.
I don't know if I can look at you the same way I have been all this while. Just imagining the scenes about you and her and the weekend makes me feel so sick.
I want to say you're different and special for me but you're no different than the rest of them. Like an animal you act, like an animal you rip my heart to shreds.
If you had any respect for what we had and the love that was a good thing in your life, then leave me with that. I'm in love with our memories, so don't taint all of it for me.
And I hope you find some goodness in your life now.
---
I had found myself once again, with greasy hair and leftover make up, silently crying in my room.
I wasn't sure what I was crying over. I thought of my summer this year and how despite being the furthest away from him, I felt the closest to him.
I don't know how, when, where or what went wrong? Somewhere in between the holding of hands and sharing frozen yogurt, something fell apart but I can't place my finger on what it was.
Was I expecting too much too soon?
It's haunting to live in a place where so many things remind me of him. I look out my balcony and stare at the mountains towards the west and think of him. I stand at the bus stop and I can see the window to his old apartment.
It's driving me crazy but I have to crawl out of this pit. A pit that seems like it's eating me alive from day to day.
I will not lose anymore. I refuse to. I'm gonna survive this and beat this even if it means doing it all alone by myself.
