Music: -
After a tumultuous weekend, I find myself in a miserable condition on a Monday night.
What was supposed to have been the best night of my life with my girls turned out to be quite the contrary.
Once again, I find myself wanting so much to leave but being unable to budge from my compassion. I watched him lie there, helpless, under the influence of things you can only imagine about and begging for me to stay.
I did of course. I stayed the entire time. Right up to the point when he was tucked safely in bed and me being forced to walk home at 3 a.m. by his disapproving roommate.
At this point, I don't care if I had to walk home in a snowstorm. As dumb and stupid as this sounds, I just want him to be okay.
It's stupid and way too selfless but it's love.
And when you love, you love without condition.
---
I wouldn't hate you for walking away from me, or never talking to me again. In fact, I'd actually understand. I know I'm not the greatest person out there, I do stupid shit, I fuck things up. If you don't want to be with me it's understandable.
I have drama, I go crazy sometimes, I'm not perfect, I have flaws, I don't always do the right thing, but I've never tried to be someone who I know I'm not. And if you can't take my bad and good moments, or my shattered life, it's okay.
---
We were exactly here one year ago.
If only you knew some of the things you said to me last night and how devastating it was for me to hear them in that state.
I wish I had the strength to walk away from you completely so I don't have to go through it again.
I wake up only to find myself wrapped in your shirt. The little pieces of you that I have. Like leftovers because I don't deserve to have you completely.
It's unfair. The world is so unfair.
I really dare you to say that you don't feel it. When we're sitting across from each other and you're telling me about your day, there's a tension so thick you can slice it with a knife.
Tell me I'm on my own with this and I will stop fighting.
But if not, then I wish you'd tell me so I don't have to feel so alone.
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it's going to be another snowy and chilly week.
All I want is hot chocolate, peppermint schnapps and you.
