"Self-portrait"
After a brutal night of papers.
This is going to be an intentional vent.
I am beyond confused or frustrated now. To be honest, I'm kinda annoyed. And angry.
I really don't know what I did or said to have caused this sudden sort of awkwardness between us but it's there. Oh yes, it's there and it's more annoying than anything else.
To be honest, it's not the first time I've felt this way. We've had this on and off "weirdness" as I would call it (because I really don't know what else to call it!) the entire semester and it's seriously getting to me.
I don't know if it's just sexual tension or me just reading too much into it but I really can't ignore it when it's staring at me right in the face.
Is this just your style cos it's really just weird as fuck. I'm not even trying to exaggerate right now but I've never been placed in this kind of situation at all. Sure it was fun in the beginning but then it started to get really old and I kinda just want to yell at you in the face because seriously, I'm starting to believe that you are as dense as a rock.
I've taken several different options into consideration and I've tried looking at things from your perspective and yeah, I can kind of understand why you decide to take the route you're at right now but that just leaves other aspects of "us" unanswered.
For fuck's sake, just get to the point and ask me out already. Or if that's not on your agenda, then straight up let me know. Don't talk to me that way, about showers and dark rooms and then just disappear like you've fallen off the face of the earth.
I'm kinda trying out this new thing of not giving too many fucks and so if you're not going to get on it, I'm throwing up them deuces up fast and walking away cos the last time I chose to hang around, some douche bag decided it would be fun to let me dangle a little longer.
We all know how that ended up.
So either man up and ask for some or quit playing games, cos this time, I'm only playing for keeps.
---
I talked about you today and I tried to add as much nonchalance into the topic as possible.
She was one of your good friends from high school, who probably knew a lot more than I do and she asked me how I was doing and what really happened between us.
To be honest, I really don't know what really happened. I guess you got bored and like everything else in the world, we met our expiration date.
It was still hard to talk about you. And see you come online and know that I won't be receiving the little Facebook chime or notifications from you. I guess it's hard to acknowledge that we're now strangers after just being so close a mere 4 months ago.
She asked me if I still missed you.
I told her; everyday.