I miss Boulder so so much right now.
The outdoors, the roads, the mountains, the air. the trees, that one crooked bus stop sign.
It's been barely a week and I want to go back already.
Somebody send me off on a 747, PLEASE :(
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I've been feeling pretty uneasy since I had that huge fight with Brian yesterday.
I mean, I wouldn't say that we were arguing over pointless things but I felt like some parts of it could have been avoided if only I wasn't so stubborn or negative.
I don't ever remember us fighting that badly back in Boulder. I'm not saying that we never did because trust me, we did.
I just don't remember taking Brian for granted that much.
We're just ridiculous together
I left the argument hanging, convinced that I would still have him when I got home. It didn't even cross my mind that maybe he would be just as sick of this tumultuous process as I was. I didn't even think that maybe he was just as hurt and just as tired.
I was as selfish as I've always been and it finally hit me yesterday when my entire relationship was hanging by a thread.
I feel like I cannot apologize enough sometimes but if you're reading this, babe, I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for putting you through so much. I know you've always said that I've been the one putting effort into us but I think that you have just as much too.
I'll admit that sometimes it crosses my mind, thinking what if we were just a wrong match from the beginning and that we'll just never perfectly fit. But we've been in this for a while now, so there has to be something between us that clicks, right? There has to be something that keeps bringing us back after all the deleting and re-adding on Facebook, after the drunk violent nights, after the walking away and then changing of minds.
I don't know what it is but we're still both here right now and I don't know how long we will be here but for now, I don't want to take it for granted. Distance has this funny thing of accentuating the tiny things you never noticed were there before. Like right now, I really miss your apartment. I have it so memorized, I can almost remember every single clutter.
I want to give us a shot and I'm not walking away until you do.