Fuzzy nights
This is for you, if you ever read it again.
Why are you fighting a losing battle? Some of the things you said were really hurtful. They were sobering thoughts and I never knew you felt that way about me up until that fight in your house.
You think this is hard on you as a person but maybe it is hard for me too? You're one more person I have to include in my life and make sacrifices for.
You act as if I'm asking too much out of you when really I'm merely asking for something everybody wants: security. I want to go to sleep without my mind racing and wake up with sound assurance that you'll be there still, without having to filter through the unnecessary doubts.
I want to be confident in us and feel that what we have is not just some shallow, immaterial fuck. If you want something like that, well honey, we're in college and there's a long line of girls waiting for just that. I could even point you in the direction of some.
Is that so much to ask?
I guess nobody can ever give you that 100% hm? Heck, you wouldn't even know if you'll be alive tomorrow. Maybe it is too much to ask.
I guess what I'd really like is just a little conviction in you. Tell me that I didn't make the wrong choice sticking by you through all that we've been through. I'm not saying it's the worst because nobody's perfect but we can work through these imperfections. I'm not looking for you to give up just because it's "hard". Nothing comes easy, not even love.
So if you're unprepared for this challenge, if you don't think I'm worth the fight and if you wanna take the easier way out, then please, tell me and walk right away. If there's the one thing that would break me more than anything, it'd be mistakenly judging you for all the man that you are. I'm not looking for a coward. I'm not much but I know I can do better than this.
Man up and take the first move if it's in you at all, whichever move it may be. I dare you.
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You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart,
Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out,
How to love.
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Happy 3 month anniversary.