Music: Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy
I am writing to you, exhausted, eyes puffy from tears and with a hole where my heart used to be.
Brian and I broke up.
The words still hit me hard, like diving head first into icy waters. I am short of breath and I don't know how to face the world yet.
So yes, we broke up. Not even all the love could save us; could save the inevitable or could save me from myself.
I told myself that I will never look in the mirror and see the girl that was there a year ago. But here I am, sad and missing the person that I've took so much precaution in loving.
I wonder deep down if you're really that guy. If you love to revel in your coldness and harsh personality. I don't remember seeing that when I was with you. I saw a boy that made me smile, that laughed at the same things I did and that loved the simple things in life.
I wonder if you're just insecure. That's why what they all say matters so much to you. That's why your status in the world matters so much to you. Because you need that constant reassurance that you are good enough. You need the approval of your peers cos you have no fucking idea who you are yet.
I'll have to admit that this hurts on so many levels but thank you for showing me how much of a mistake you were. I've been fighting this battle too long and I've constantly been giving you the benefit of the doubt.
I just want to remind you that you threw it all away. You walked away from me, when I needed you most and when I loved you most.
Don't expect me the same out of me again.
