So as most people are looking back on September and getting excited for the arrival of October, I am dreading it. Just a little. Just a little.
Kevin's frat is having a huge outing to a lake in Utah called Lake Powell and it's basically just going to be a big big party with a bunch of my sisters and friends.
Am I allowed to go?
Obviously not.
Why? Because he's the organizing chairperson and there is no way in living hell that he was gonna have me there, watching him hit up bitches and getting sloppily shitfaced. Drunk wakeboarding and then more drunk cliff diving.
I'm the crazy, possessive ex-girlfriend remember?
I'm not being bitter but sometimes I just WISH that he could look at things from my point of view. Sure it sucks for him that he had to date a girl like me but me? I went through the relationship believing that he loved me, which turned out wrong. And then I lose half my friends because of him.
Is it time for me to move to the east coast yet?
Some days this town is filled with so much beauty but other days, I'm just tired of the same view.
It puzzles me that despite me being the one getting dumped, he's the one who ends up hating me. For everything he's put me through, I should be the one pinning needles into a voodoo doll of him.
Please note that I was kidding. I would never really do that.
I'm just frustrated but no, I am not going to let it get to me anymore. I've eaten lots of ice-cream, drank a plenty, cried triple that amount, watched sappy love movies, had utterly meaningless and blacked out hookups, flirted with a plant, smoked like a chimney, went for a run at 2 a.m. around the block twice and I am done.
No more of that bullshit.
As I watch September come to a close, I'm accepting the closure of this chapter of my life. It's hard to write an appropriate ending to such an experience. A roller coaster of euphoria and devastation. I close my eyes to think back on us and I see sunshine, wind, fingertips, steady breaths, shallow breaths, shakes in the dark, tears and screams, running away, impatience, frustration.
The nights are getting colder and the colors of fall are slowly creeping in. It's one of my favorite times of the year and no matter how much it hurts to remember the summer, I'm not going to let it get to me anymore.
I am putting on make-up, wearing heels and going out this weekend. And before that, I am baking my roommates a cake because I love them.
I am self-sustainable and though it felt like the world came crumbling down the day he turned back around into that alley way, you build back up from the ruins.