Music: Kissing You - Miranda Cosgrove
Alright, I will have to admit that I haven't been the best, strongest, post-break up individual out there. I've realized that my past few previous posts have been a crazy mixture of pathetic-ness and well...false pretenses.
My life is a joke sometimes.
Truth is, I do lapse in and out of it. Take today for an instance. I was doing fine all day and then one random occurrence sparks my moment of weakness and I was so close to caving. I was standing on the sidewalk waiting for my ride and I was in the midst of composing my message. I always have troubles ending it and making it seem non-chalant (because it really isn't to me!).
So there I was deleting and re-writing this stupid, trivial but well-meant message when I see a fluffy little raccoon walking up towards me. I watched it for a good amount of time and instantly remembered the times when him and I would take the trash out together and I'd be terrified of the raccoons who were digging around inside of it.
It's the always the little things that strike you out hard.
I got into my ride, still with intentions of sending this message. And possibly include the raccoon as well but the person next to me was interestingly kind and charming. Before I knew it, I got out of the car after being so wrapped up in our brief 10 minute conversation about lightning and German that I had forgot all about the message I had wanted to send.
So I didn't do it and I'm proud of myself because these are the little steps you have to go through.
He told me on the day we were broke up that maybe a month from then we might have the chance of reliving what we had. I was skeptical but I held on to that hope.
It's been a month now and I feel farther away from him than I've ever felt in a while. Thinking on it now, I find it hard to ever have what we did. I guess I'm always a little naive to think that we could do our insane hikes and study sessions again together but reality is that the moment's passed. Is it time for new memories with someone else?
I do want to say though that I miss him incredibly as a friend. If there was anything that he was to me, he was a great friend. I used to find it so easy to tell him about the job interview that I had gotten or the paper I stayed up writing or just how I slipped and fell on ice on a cold winter morning. Having my person there was nice. And he was my person.
As of now, I'm trying to get to bed before midnight because I have decided to drown myself in the chaos of life once again. Taking up more reporting gigs and trying to work 2 jobs in college.
You know, just trying to get my life back on track again after the distraction that knocked the wind out of me and took my breath away. Literally.
Just so you know, it's been 4 days since I last tried to talk him. Soon, it'll be a week. Then a month. Then years possibly. And it just breaks my heart that everyone ends up becoming a stranger.
Unfortunately, it seems like, you were just another one of the boys. Like all the boys before.
